I am convinced I have some kind of brain issue - it seems I lack the filter that intercepts thoughts that are wildly unappropriate and stops them before they become deeds.
Exhibit A: Last month, James' nephew and his friend cam to stay with us from Wales. While here, we took them to a cell phone store so they could get air time. As one does, I took a seat cross-legged on the floor while they settled into a booth. There Leya and I gambolled a while, until it became apparent she was peckish, and I pulled out her snacks. The friend, spying her organic multi-grain vanilla hearts, commented on how intersting they looked. Would you like to try one? I asked magnaminously. Yes, thank you, he answered. Overlooking the fact that this 20-year-old is childless and therefore probably has not come to terms with the foor as a perfectly acceptable surface to eat off, I dusted off the myriad hair strands strewn across MTN's mud-smudged floor, and handed him one of the hearts that had tumbled out of the snack tupperware in Leya's eagerness to eat. Why I didn't give him one of the pristine ones remaining inside said tupperware, I can't explain. I know he also wondered about this, because he saw my eyes dart towards the clean ones before I handed him the tainted heart. "Oh - sure. I don't mind eating the one with floor juice," he finally said - which is when i finally realised that what I had done wasn't quite right.
Exhibit 2 - Just yesterday, I was driving through the streets of my suburb, trying to block out the sound of Leya's wailing. I mention this because it may be significant - I am hoping that I was driven temporarily insane by noise, as this would provide an excuse for what happened next. You see, as I inched past the stop street, I spotted a man I knew slightly from university. We weren't especially friendly back then, but we are Facebook mates, so I have gotten to see the pics of his wife and baby and perhaps that's why I felt it was acceptable to slam on my brakes and jump out my car to greet him as if we were old army buddies reunited after 20 years. I;m not sure why I did this. Perhaps it was the sheer coincidence of running into someone from ny varsity years, or maybe I felt an imagined kindredness caused by parenthood. Either way, it's sad that this happened right at rush hour, when many other cars were trying to navigate past my vehicle, sitting inconveniently in the middle of the road. It's sad too that leya and I had been tussling over a cup filled with Freezochino just moments before, and that she had also smeared me with her rice cake; therefore what the couple saw screeching towards them was a crusted madwoman thrusting a screaming child at them. Again, it was only when they expressed their surprise, with the wife of my acquaintance giggling nervously and saying "I asked Pete who that was looking at us in the car, and he said 'I don't know but she's waving, and then all of a sudden you got out and started talking to us', that I thought to myself, "This isn't normal behviour".
I hate to imagine what I will do next.
Exhibit A: Last month, James' nephew and his friend cam to stay with us from Wales. While here, we took them to a cell phone store so they could get air time. As one does, I took a seat cross-legged on the floor while they settled into a booth. There Leya and I gambolled a while, until it became apparent she was peckish, and I pulled out her snacks. The friend, spying her organic multi-grain vanilla hearts, commented on how intersting they looked. Would you like to try one? I asked magnaminously. Yes, thank you, he answered. Overlooking the fact that this 20-year-old is childless and therefore probably has not come to terms with the foor as a perfectly acceptable surface to eat off, I dusted off the myriad hair strands strewn across MTN's mud-smudged floor, and handed him one of the hearts that had tumbled out of the snack tupperware in Leya's eagerness to eat. Why I didn't give him one of the pristine ones remaining inside said tupperware, I can't explain. I know he also wondered about this, because he saw my eyes dart towards the clean ones before I handed him the tainted heart. "Oh - sure. I don't mind eating the one with floor juice," he finally said - which is when i finally realised that what I had done wasn't quite right.
Exhibit 2 - Just yesterday, I was driving through the streets of my suburb, trying to block out the sound of Leya's wailing. I mention this because it may be significant - I am hoping that I was driven temporarily insane by noise, as this would provide an excuse for what happened next. You see, as I inched past the stop street, I spotted a man I knew slightly from university. We weren't especially friendly back then, but we are Facebook mates, so I have gotten to see the pics of his wife and baby and perhaps that's why I felt it was acceptable to slam on my brakes and jump out my car to greet him as if we were old army buddies reunited after 20 years. I;m not sure why I did this. Perhaps it was the sheer coincidence of running into someone from ny varsity years, or maybe I felt an imagined kindredness caused by parenthood. Either way, it's sad that this happened right at rush hour, when many other cars were trying to navigate past my vehicle, sitting inconveniently in the middle of the road. It's sad too that leya and I had been tussling over a cup filled with Freezochino just moments before, and that she had also smeared me with her rice cake; therefore what the couple saw screeching towards them was a crusted madwoman thrusting a screaming child at them. Again, it was only when they expressed their surprise, with the wife of my acquaintance giggling nervously and saying "I asked Pete who that was looking at us in the car, and he said 'I don't know but she's waving, and then all of a sudden you got out and started talking to us', that I thought to myself, "This isn't normal behviour".
I hate to imagine what I will do next.
